It becomes a task of gargantuan mental angst. When flow exists it is a joyous mental wave in which I could ride for a long, long time. But when your paddling upstream it seems a task in which one will never gain strength to complete. A jagged mess. With one step forward comes two steps back. I am almost sure this world is not one in which I need to play in. The angst it brings me seems more than I can bear sometimes. But I'll try again tomorrow.